The TGANJEN Holiday Inspiration Series: Tits out for Tenerife

Tenners, Tenerifey, Reefy, The Reef…whatever you and your crew fancy calling it, one fact remains clear.

IT IS FUCKING AWESOME!

Ok, brief introduction warranted before we get into this: this is the first in my new series of Summer Holiday Inspiration posts, aren’t you lucky!!

Whether it’s with the team, with your significant other or even flying solo (only true G’s do that 😎), I’ve got you covered – read on for the highs and lows of one of my favourite Canary Islands.

Tenner-bloody-rife – Getting There

First things first, let’s take a look at what you already know.

Flying in from the UK will take you between 4 and 5 hours – yes, this is a bit of a shitstorm, especially if you are flying in with one of the world’s greatest-worst flyers (looking at YOU sis), however preparation is totally key.

If you’re one of those ungodly creatures that prefers getting snottered and falling asleep dribbling into your chest, leant on the poor soul next to you (I can neither confirm nor deny that this is my preferred travel method 👀) then there is a simple solution: flight hack.

Get your timings aced – the earlier the flight, the more holiday you get, right?

It is a bit of a bugger getting to the airport that early, but trust me when I say this, you will absolutely not regret it when you are propped up by the pool four daquiri’s deep by 2pm.

If you keep it classy then you know the drill with long flights; stop the moaning, download as many episodes of real housewives you can squeeze onto your tablet and nestle in for the ride…in a short 240-320 minutes you will be stepping down onto one of the warmest climates around, simply lush.

Flying home, from experience, is a bit of a juggling act.

Take a look at your hotel perks, and rather than opting for the last flight out of Tenners that day, go for one that links up nicely with your check-out time.

Trust me on this – one year we were aiming for maximum time in Tenerifey…cut it to a 10pm flight, a check out time of noon…approximately 7/8 hours to fill with no room to change in, no showers to rinse off the sun cream, and a group of ratty, smelly women…never again!!

Plus, by that point in your holiday, you just want to get home. Don’t be greedy! I would recommend a flight anywhere between 2pm and 4pm as ideal.

Get on cheapflights for all things flights – we’ve always swiped the best deals with this nifty lot!

Where Does One Slumber (Or Not 👀 🍺 🍸 🎉 🎈 🎇)

Second most important to flights is clearly, where you need to be. I will be dissecting these areas as I move through my series on Tenners, so here’s a quick overview:

• Partiers: Come on, you already know it. It HAS to be Playa de las Americas. Two strips/areas of all the partying you could yearn for, with absolute belters pumping out into the streets and all the lucky lucky ladies you could ever yearn for. Bonus, Tramps is open until daft o’clock, so it’s not even like you have to go home early. Shamazzzzzzzzzzzzze-ing.

• Le Couples: You lovey dovey lot are going to want to be sticking Adeje way, in my opinion. Dependent on what sort of couple you are, this area is slightly more chilled out that las Americas, yet close to fun things like Siam Park and wicked karaoke bars should your heart request it. The beaches are more chilled, and the hotels tend to be nicer in this area too. More on that to come!
• Families/The Older ‘Jen-eration’ (see what I did there): We get it, you need quiet nights for sleep, nice restaurants to keep everyone happy and safety is a definite priority. You simply can’t go wrong in Los Christianos. The safari centre is nearby for that special feel to a cheap as chips holiday (it’s a right swanky looking area, perfect for the Insta, with a wealth of top notch restaurants), there’s loads of walks around the harbour to be done, and the area itself is clean and quaint. TGANJEN super tip? Hire a bike! There’s loads to see!

What Are You Waiting For? Get It Booked!

In short, Tenerife is hot, pretty, clean, safe and small enough to suss out the area well enough within a few days. There is an absolute bucket load of amazing things to be done (you guessed it, more on that to come!) and truth be told, the island holds a special place in my heart, meaning that I will forever be dragging my pals back.

But what are your thoughts? Tell me in the comments below! I love a good argument (ha!).

Until next time Tenners, you big chunk of volcanic love rock!

Jen x

Super Salzburg: Things to in Salzburg

Salzburg, Salzburg, Salzburg. What a beauty of a place you are.

In terms of larger cities, Austria, in general, is somewhat lacking.

Of course, you have the capital Vienna, which is far and away the most popular and populated; the beautiful and historic city Graz, and then somewhat lesser known cities to your standard traveller, such as Innsbruck and Linz.

But my favourite, without a shadow of a doubt, is Salzburg.

Simply Salzburg

A stunning, historic yet contemporary city; Salzburg has it all.

From the traditional original architecture, to the sheer amount of things to do when you visit, I was lucky enough to visit Salzburg in August 2017, and can safely say, memories that will surely last a lifetime were made.

But what exactly is it about this tiny city that is so fabulous? First and foremost, visually Salzburg ticks all of the boxes.

Completely traditional, just to walk around the narrow pedestrian streets which make up the centre is a pure joy. Crammed full with alleys, sweet boutiques and patriotic tourist shops, there is a feeling quite like no other here.

All of the shops keep in line with the standard Austrian looking buildings, meaning that even the McDonalds on the high street doesn’t look out of place.

Contrary to many cities around Europe, I felt an overwhelming safety whilst casually strolling the main shopping area; whether this can be attributed to the brilliantly friendly and welcoming locals, or simply due to the fact that there were no cars, I literally had not a single concern in the world, beautiful.

Secondly, for a city with a population estimated to be around 146,000, Salzburg doesn’t miss a trick when it comes to attractions. Here are my recommendations!

Things To Do

Schloss Hellbrunn – One for all of the family, Schloss Hellbrunn, although slightly out of the city centre, is an attraction guaranteed to put a smile on everyone’s face.

A palace completed in 1615, which was originally constructed as a ‘pleasure palace’, this attraction is best visited on a sunny day. Boasting stunning gardens, impressive architecture and a wet surprise in the Trick Fountains, there is a host of activities to be enjoyed.

Check online here for any upcoming events.

Must See: For any Sound of Music fans out there, the famous pavilion in which the famous dance scene was filmed in now resides in these gardens. Massive brownie points with my mum!!

Haus der Natur – Definitely one for a rainy day, the Haus der Natur (House of Nature) is a museum bursting with educational activities.

Residing over 7,000 square metres and several floors, the museum includes a reptile zoo, an aquarium and wholly interactive science centre.

Must See: The museum hosts exhibitions which are always a super addition. When I visited, there was an exhibition on the human body: Fascinating AND educational, loved it!

Mozart’s Geburtshaus – One for classical music fans, Mozart’s House (Just try and get Clean Bandit out of your head now…) is slap bang in the middle of the shopping area in Salzburg, and completely unmissable, largely in part to the hundreds of tourists armed with selfie sticks posing happily in front.

Full disclosure: I am not a classical music fan and, being short on time and money, I didn’t actually explore the museum itself. However, I have been assured that this museum is an interesting look at the life of a genius.

Must See: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And last but not least…

Shopping – Hit the ‘high street’ and enjoy some cool retail therapy.

With big names like Zara, H&M and Pandora, although limited in size, the shopping in Salzburg was a highlight for me. Dinky little alleys (like the above image), cute tourist shops shoving Mozart and Lederhosen’s down your throat…what’s not to love!

Must See: As sad as I sound, it is by no means a secret that I am a fat bastard foodie. Take a look at the McDonalds, which one of the locals told me was the only McDonalds in the world which doesn’t look like the standard McDonalds restaurant. This apparently is due to restrictions set in place by the council ensuring that none of the original buildings or architecture is amended, or that any of the shops look out of place. It’s lovely as it ensures that you forget you are in a main city, and these little touches set Salzburg apart from the majority of other main cities in Europe.

Well there we have it! A couple of recommendations from my heart to yours.

Have I missed anything? Have you uncovered any glorious hidden attractions in this beautiful city? Let me know in the comments below.

Until next time,

Jen x

Dublin (- adingdong) PART 2: The shit bits

Ok my lovely readers, now I have well and truly buttered you up with the fabulous traits a beautiful city like Dublin has to offer, It’s time to get real.

Prior warning people – This is by no means meant to piss off any hardcore Dublin fans. It is merely one ladies’ (lol) opinion on what i have said is a beautiful, energetic city.

Right, now that’s out of the way…

1. €9.00 FOR A CARLSBERG?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

Jesus Christ almighty Dublin, I know capitalcities are known for being dear and going large and that but frig me I was genuinely astounded at this hike from £2.80 a pint in my local! Unfortunately, It didn’t stop there either. €13.00 for a single Vodka. €4.00 for

a tin of Diet Coke. €7.00 for a day pass on the tram!? Honestly, I am no skinflint. Literally, every holiday I go on I overtake money just in case I miss out on anything. But Mary Mother of God over €200 euros on a two night stop is literally enough to put me off coming back forever. Such a shame.

2. Homeless  😥 😥 😥

This is an unfortunate reason to tar my trip in Dublin as I’m assuming all is being done to combat such an issue in a capital city, but nonetheless it completely altered my time there. Why on earth is there so many homeless people on the streets of Dublin? As a reasonably seasoned traveller, I’ve genuinely never seen anything like it. After dolling out change to the first couple (perhaps slightly naive of me on reflection) it was quickly becoming apparent that should i continue, i’d be joining them, so the purse went back in the knock off and the hard faced cow came out.

3. Cannot believe I am writing this but…Where are all the Irish at!?

Go on guys, call me a hypocrit. A tourist, complaining about the amount of tourists, in the tourist area, of a capital city of a country. What a numpty – yes I know – however when compared with the fact I literally heard about three Irish accents the entire weekend, my ‘P.S I Love You’ montage’s were a complete fucking waste of time! Dublin, I was expecting my Gerard Butler, and all you provided was a Kirk from Corrie lookalike…gutting!

So there we have it. The results are in, the shots have been fired.

I really loved Dublin. Great company paired with a smashing apartment has ensured that the memories will always be pleasent ones. Unfortunately though, they will only ever stay memories, as I cannot see myself going back any time soon.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Jen x

 

Dublin (- adingdong) PART 1: The good points

Wowzerstrousers ladies and gents, this chick has just got back from a girly weekend in Dublin(-adingdong, as i have since proudly coined) and what an experience!

What exact type of experience, i’m not quite sure…

I know I had a great time. In all fairness, it is very rare I travel somewhere new and don’t enjoy myself. However, there are a few things that have…how do i put this…left a bad taste in my mouth(!?), and before all you filthy animals start accusing me of being rank, let me explain.

Ok, it is probably a lot fairer if I begin with the things I really, really loved.

1. Public Transport system rocks my socks.

Clean, un-smelly, fast, often…I loved the trams! After years of dodging the piss-stained seats of the Manchester tram system, I literally wanted to cry eve
ry time I boarded these heavenly tin cans. Not the cheapest, but we will get to that…

2. Temple Bar area is amazing.

Urgh the beauty of this place really grinds my gears. Due to the fact that we went at (what I’m assuming) is the best time of year, the bar itself was decked out in all its Christmas glory. Love, Love, Love! Massively made up for the absence of Christmas markets…(more on that next week!). Also tied with this is the music. Categorically, best live music I have ever experienced; Just sheer amazing-ness, at all times of day. Don’t tell anyone but I may have cried at Galway Girl. MAY HAVE!! The chaps performing always were the top of their game and really knew how to get the crowds bouncing, and bounce we did!

3. The food is to fucking die for…

…in most places. For some reason, it seemed like the majority of people from Dublin are  obsessed with (historically) one of the most precious combinations known to man – chips, cheese and garlic sauce *insert 200 heart emoji’s here*. As an avid garlic fiend by day this was like music to my ears, eyes, taste…all the senses. Props to the food in general in all honesty – even the supermarkets (and even the 100 million SPAR’s which line the streets) had an amazing, mouthwatering selection of shit. Jeeeeez check me out, actually impressed with the range of food on offer in a corner shop, I am getting more and more like my mother every day…fucks sake!

4. Lovely locals

Whilst wandering through the main sections of the tourist districts (town centre, temple bar; various historical artifacts which i definitely got out of bed bright and early to see. In the rain. With a raging hangover) it is very clear to see why every local was friendly as fuck. We, as tourists, must make up a fair whack of their trade annually, if not entirely. That being said, a lot of the locals were really accommodating when us scuzzy bitches were asking where would be cheapest to get a Carlsberg, so fair play. Shame I couldn’t pull one! For the life of me, cannot see why!

Fingers crossed if you are on your way to Dublin in the near future, this post fills your heart with joy. 

However, if you are on your way to Dublin soon, I would advise you don’t read my next post, as I will be revealing my shit parts.

As always, let me know what you think down there (oi oi!).

Jen x

 

 

 

Albufeira Old Town – The do’s and don’ts

Fresh off the plane and there is something I need to share with you all.

Albufeira’s Old Town is stun.

I’m not joking here. What a lovely place! Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows…here are my do’s and don’ts for your trip.

Absolutely do…

The beach. As you can imagine, in peak holiday time the whole bloody place was heaving (no complaints though!), so we decided to get our arses out of bed and thunder down to the beach towels in arms at 8am. This was a mistake. Nothing really gets going, or opens in fact, until about 9am, regardless of it being summer holidays. That being said, we chose to rent an umbrella and two padded sun loungers and because of our haste we nabbed the ones with the best view and closest to the toilets and shops, so not all doom and gloom. These were saving graces in all honesty and definitely worth the money, as come 9am the beach begins to fill up, and fast – you won’t believe how busy it was! And all for €15 per day – bargain if you ask me.

We took full advantage of the tremendous amount of water activities on offer and rented a pedalo, which is great fun…if you’re 12 or a group of more than two people. Not for the bloody life of us could we steer it correctly, cut to us spending an hour frantically peddaling out of the jet boat section of the water. Not fun, and friggin hard work!

Absolutely do not…

Get annoyed with the beach sellers. Yes, they are there all day, singing the same tune about fresh pineapple and watermelon. Yes, it is an absolute bloody rip off for a snide MK bag. But at the end of the day, they are doing their job, and if you take a minute to talk to them, they are the friendliest sellers I have ever been approached by. There’s normally an interesting tale of where they are from in there also, so ask the right questions!

Absolutely do…

Take your head out of cyber space and wander around the Old Town. Don’t get me wrong, the shops are purely tourist driven, so don’t be expecting Oxford Road, but it is lovely just to have a wander around. This is where the Old Town really becomes alive at night also, with decent food and lots of live music and drinks to cater for everyone. Highlights for us included a mexican tucked away across from Meet Bar in the corner which did ENORMOUS portions and Atrivum (think that’s what it was called) which was right in the heart of everything for drinks.

Absolutely do not…

Miss happy hour, if that’s what you’re there for. Drinks can be a bit pricey when it’s not happy hour, and when it gets to 10pm and you realise that between the two of you that you have spent €180, you start to feel a bit queasy, and it’s most definitely NOT the drink.

*Side note – they do not water down their alcohol here, like you would get in several holiday hot spots around Europe, so do take care and stay with whoever you’re travelling with. Stick to your limits and remember, cocktails are LETHAL, and let’s face it, who wants to waste a day being stuck in bed hungover?

Finally, absolutely do…

Just enjoy your time. The Old Town, albeit only half of what Albufeira has to offer, is great fun for all members of the family. You won’t be disappointed with what this lovely place has to offer, and I know i will certainly be revisiting.

BEST FOR: Couple Holidays, Stag and Hen Do’s, Family Holidays…it really is a place that is best for everyone. We had no trouble, and no one got too rowdy. 4/5!

Jen x

How to beat the post holiday blues

Sigh; after a week of sunning myself poolside and eating as many carbs as I could get down my throat, it’s back to reality for me. Granted, quite probably for the best (Snack bar server at the pool had given me the super cute nickname of ‘chicken nugget’, and no, it’s not because I look like one…) however no matter how many luxurious retreats I wangle my way onto, I still find it really difficult getting back to normality on my return.

Certainly I cannot be the only one?

Quick WhatsApp round to the chicas and the evidence is clear – this horrendous affliction is suffered by everyone on the planet, and so I thought that being the considerate bitch that I am, I would create a fascinating guide on how to combat this horrendous affliction.

1. Unpack – Get that shit out of your life.

The complete worst part of coming home for me is staring at the suitcase which I have unsuccessfully attempted to hide behind my bedroom door. Get that shit cleaned out and packed away! Less crap to clutter up your living space = happy mind.

2. Live in your holiday memories as long as humanly possible.

Give your nearest and dearest a blow-by-blow of what you got up to, and I mean everything. “Hey guess what on holiday we saw some really cute cats” or “OMG on holiday you will never believe it, a waiter had the funniest joke about sangria i almost pissed my pants” etc etc. Who gives a shit if by the end of the week they are silently screaming to their selves “OMG I DONT GIVE A FUCK”. Haters gonna hate!!

And once you have worn those beautiful memories out…

3. Occupy your mind with ANYTHING other than these thoughts.

After about a week, you will 100% be getting severely down about how much fun you had, and why it’s so unfair that you’re no longer there. STOP IMMEDIATELY. MOVE ON. Don’t waste any more brain energy! You had fun, that’s great! Now get back to reality. Seriously, your friends will appreciate it.

4. Pamper yourself.

What better way to wipe away your tears than to go out and transform yourself back into that stun princess who boarded that Boeing 737? Revel in it; enjoy your tan, get your hair sorted, shave, who gives a fuck! Just make yourself feel good again. It will  be worth it, trust me.

 

5. Get pissed with who you went away with.

The mandatory meeting of the people who are in the same boat as you. You will all be able to be glum together and wade through the amazing memories you have all created. If this doesn’t cheer you up, then the answer is simple…

6. Book another jolly!

This is can testify for. Get yo’self a one way ticket back to funtown, and then the countdown begins again!

Take my advise guys, it’s important and if we all work together, in no time we will have beaten this monster forever. If you think i’ve missed anything, have a comment at the bottom.

You know what I’m going to say; if all of this doesn’t work, there’s always Vodka!

Jen x

OPERATION ORGANISE: How to ensure you have packed all of your holiday essentials

Well the day has finally come – I’m off on my jollies tomorrow! That’s right, the annual last-minute nightmare of attempting to cram everything I own bar the kitchen sink into my tiny hand luggage case (many thanks, Ryanair) is upon me, except this time things  will be different.

I refuse to be a victim! Gone are the days that this chick is up until 2 hours before the taxi weeping silently into my memory foam travel pillow (which can I just say was a complete waste of time and money: sleep + flights = BULLSHIT). This time round i have it completely under control, and nothing is going to get in my way. But what is this mystical solution i speak about? Surely there cannot be a simple answer to this age-old issue? Well folks, there is. You heard it here first; PLANNING (altogether now: oooooh).

From the tiniest things (Gold Primark Hoops) to the most obvious (Beach Towel), nothing has gone amiss.

Nothing has been missed (sweat off!)

I won’t bore you with the nitty-gritty of what I have planned, nor will I patronise you with what you should pack – dang it you is probably a grown ass person, you should know. However, I have broken it down into little subcategories that make it simpler for my tiny mind.

 

Starting from the top, we have; Face with essentials such as make up and overnight cream; Hair with everything down to bobby pins; Clothing (this is where it gets painful) which includes a full set of evening outfit ideas for each night staying, a full set of daytime clothes which can be thrown on and a full list of jewellery corresponding to which outfit they are for; Swimming (again, equally as painful…oh i do love being a woman!) inclusive of each of my five swimsuits and my three pairs of flip-flops and finally Miscellaneous which holds everything that doesn’t quite fit into the other categories (chargers, iPod docking station etc).

Now I’m not going to lie to you. This whole exercise has probably been one of, if not THE greatest procrastination experience I have ever indulged in. However, it sure has lifted a weight from my shoulders and soothed my chaotic, messy mind. Hey, one less job before I go I suppose! What’s in your holiday essentials? Comment below.

As for me? I’m clocking off – one too many Piña colada’s calling my name! I’ll try to update you as and when I’m sober enough, no promises though!

Jen x

Don’t be too jel bitches!